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The Anti-Resolutions 2017

Posted on January 23, 2017 by maya

How have you all been? It’s been a while… You know, I only had one resolution for 2017 and that was to start posting regularly every week this year. Needless to say the whole ‘New Year, New Me’ thing hasn’t been working out too well.

But then, it is that time of the year again – the last week in January when everyone’s given up on their unrealistic goals and are slowly reverting back to their original, lazy, unmotivated selves. Naturally, being the artistic person that I am – I drew inspiration from my surroundings and decided to combine all these sentiments of disappointment and regret into what I am calling the ‘Anti-Resolutions’. (Now admittedly, I haven’t exactly figured out what the exact definition of an ‘Anti-Resolution’ is, but it’s a working title.) Anyways, it’s just a bit of fun as always 😉 , so enough with my rambling and without further ado, here are The Anti-Resolutions 2017…

I feel like the New Year hasn’t even officially begun until everyone you know has started some weird diet that involves fasting for 12 hours a day and drinking pureed salad. And quite frankly, I find the whole thing very upsetting. See, a diet just entails removing something beautiful (ie. food) away from one’s life – why would any one want to start off their year with that kind of negativity? I think you should do just the opposite. Going to the gym? Bring some chocolate cake to work out those jaw muscles. (Alternatively, skip the gym altogether because why be fit, when you can be filled with regret instead.) Going to get a coffee? Bring another cup of coffee along with you to drink while you’re waiting for the coffee you ordered. Thinking about giving up on sugar? Well, how would you feel if sugar gave up on you?

What better way to ring in the new year than changing up your style, right? Wrong. You’re already broke after treating yourself over the holidays and then society tries to tempt you to buy more stuff with “January sales”? Don’t just go giving into consumerism. In fact, stand up for your rights. Don’t buy anything ever again. Find a nice bin bag, cut a few arm holes in it and then wear it for the rest of your life. It’s unique, water proof and black works for every occasion. Problem solved.

You guys know I love to travel, so I would definitely encourage everyone else to do some travelling this year. When it comes to travel, there are only two things to consider. 1) How are you going to pay for it? 2) What are you going to wear? The first question can be easily resolved by either winning the lottery or marrying rich, and the second can be answered if you follow the steps outlined in my last point. You’re welcome.

I know what you’re thinking. The beginning of a new year is the perfect time to start all those projects you’ve been dreaming about. Write a novel, start a blog, learn how to dance the flamenco… But the thing is, that’s what everyone is going to be aiming to do this year. You really want to be creative? Embrace your laziness. Motivate yourself to stay in bed just one hour longer. Actively ignore any responsibilities or opportunities that come your way. Make an inspiration board with pictures of all the things you want to achieve, instead of actually achieving them. Trust me, it offers a totally new perspective on life. I’ve tried it.

Finally, are you tired of the same old routine, day in, day out? Do you wince when your alarm goes off in the morning? Have your weeks begun to blur into one? Fear not! You can fix this – just be incredibly impulsive and disregard any of the consequences it may have on your future! That’s right, quit your job, pack up your stuff, move to Peru and become a llama whisperer. Life will never be boring again!

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Well, that’s all I have for you guys today! Let me know what your resolutions/ anti resolutions are in the comments below :). All jokes aside, I do hope you all have an amazing 2017 and achieve all your goals this year!